You can get acquainted with a russian woman in different ways. But from my point of view, a typical russian woman would consider ideal (it is the most wide-spread, by the way) the following patterns of doing it: reading the advertisement - exchange of letters - a face-to-face date - parting that would give both of you time to think the matter over - wedding. I will try to give a detailed analysis of your possible relations with a russian woman at each step.

Reading the Advertisement. The First Letter.

So, you are in possession of the address of the woman you liked and decided to write a letter to. How and what should you write? Provide full information about yourself: your height, weight, age education, the company you work in and your post; whether you have ever been married and got children, how old they are and what they do; tell about your parents and the city you live in. In short, write plainly about everything you think worth mentioning in the first letter to a stranger. Bear it in mind that it is not customary in Russia to call a woman 'dear', 'love', 'sweet' in the first letter. A woman will feel you are insincere. You may also write about your hobbies. While writing the letter try to make it sound more emotional. You'd better avoid the style of official, formal reports. Show your sense of humor but mind that sometimes the situations laughed at by Russians and by people of other nations do not coincide. You ought to state plainly what you find not acceptable in the family life and a woman's character. This would eliminate the risk of disappointment in future. Show your genuine interest in your addressee, not only her good looks but her inner world, her personality (hobbies, attitudes, beliefs, etc.) as well. It is hardly advisable to mention in the first letter your previous failures and disappointments in private life: woman might think you are trying to have her cure you neuroses instead of looking for the woman of your life. Neither it is worth writing about your financial situation, especially trying to dazzle her with you money: a russian woman (if she is not a money-hunter) looks for a man but not for his bank account. Be so considerate as to ask the woman what correspondence she would prefer (e-mail or ordinary post). If she chooses ordinary letters, make sure that your handwriting is legible. russian women will appreciate hand-written letters since a typed letter is considered official, dry, even bureaucratic. But if your handwriting is illegible you'd better enclose a typed copy personally signed. If you write in Russian the woman will be grateful for your efforts to make the reading easier for her, even if your Russian leaves much to be desired. If you decide to write in your native language, then use simple common words and structures, refrain from slang and colloquial words, terms and polysemantic words so that there wouldn't arise any difficulties in understanding. You may accompany your first letter with a photo, the one you like most and which reflects your personality in the best way. You may send several photos if you like: of your relatives and you and others. Try not to make the photos an advertisement of your house, car, garden; remember that you are looking for a woman who would fall in love with you and not with your money.

What to Write and Ask in Subsequent Letters to a Russian Woman

Do not be afraid of expressing your genuine feelings and thoughts: the russian woman is naturally very emotional and sensitive. Ask questions and answer hers in return. Your questions might be like following: Why are you single? What kind of a man would you like to see near you? How do you imagine your post-wedding life? What is more important for you: family or business career? Ask how she spent last week and tell her what you did all this time. Write about everything you find interesting. Seek for her advice on this or that matter or difficult situation in your life. Share your plans for the future with her. Introduce her to your country, its customs and traditions, way of thinking, national holidays, the city you live in, what is found decent and appreciated in your circle and what is not. In your turn inquire after the same matters. They are not only an excuse to start the conversation but also a way to avoid misunderstanding, outrages and misbehavior caused by national peculiarities and manners.

It is only logical to ask how long the acquaintance by correspondence should last? In this matter, like anywhere else, you should retain the sense of proportion. On the one hand, long correspondence provides an opportunity to know each other better. On the other hand, russian women don't like inert men and will find long correspondence a great nuisance. Therefore you have to pick the crucial moment of transition to personal meeting intuitively.

What You'd Better Not Ask and Write in Your Letters to a russian woman, What Can Scare Her Off

For example, I wouldn't feel like answering such questions as: Have you had sexual experience? How many sexual partners have you had? (By the way, your unfavorable reports of your previous affairs may be taken by a russian woman as an ominous sign).

What is the state of your health? This question will evoke surprise and apprehension: do I look that bad in the photo? The Russians consider it inappropriate to discuss one's own or another's health otherwise than a specialist. If you do worry about the state of her health, then you ought to save your anxiety for a face-to-face date when you have got to know one another fairly well your question wouldn't seem unnatural and tactless.

Why do you want to marry a foreigner? Why have you placed your advertisement in Internet? The way a russian woman looks for a partner is her own business and is too private to be discussed, at least at the beginning of the acquaintance.

You should avoid too many questions. A surge of questions in your first letter would make a russian woman feel as if she were interrogated. Do not ask her to send you a photo of herself in bikini, for a woman wants a man to appreciate not only her looks but her inner world as well. Do not overindulge in discussing political matters since russian women prefer to leave politics to men. Do not devote you letter to describing weather: Russians are convinced that one talks about the weather when there is nothing else to talk about. Do not compare social and economic situations in Russia and your country because boasting seems absurd and criticism of the life in Russian can offend and insult the woman. Russians love their country and expect a respectful attitude towards their feelings.

How You Should Analyze the Letters of a Russian Woman

To make sure that the woman you have chosen is honest and genuine in her attitude towards you, ask her one and the same questions in two different letters following each other at a certain interval. Then compare the answers. The fact that she deliberately neglects answering questions vital for you is worth noting. Pay your attention to what prevails in her letters: is she engrossed in the story of her life or tries to answer your questions and asks as many about you. A woman who is really interested in you won't advertise herself but try to give detailed answers to your questions and, in return, to find out as much as possible about you and your personality. Look at the pathos of her letters. Unemotional plain letters do not reflect so much her reserved temper as her real attitude towards you: a russian woman in love cannot conceal her emotions. Look out when a woman starts talking about marriage and her moving in with you in the very first letters. Any genuine feelings are out of question here. Most likely you've come across a woman obsessed with the idea of leaving her country and improving her welfare. You are just a step on her way towards attaining the goal.

It is essential that the set of values of the woman was close to that of yours. Give preference to women who write detailed letters. If you happen to know that the woman carries correspondence on with several men but hasn't yet made her final choice, do not be discouraged. That means that you have to deal with a serious and intelligent woman who is looking for her ideal partner. Do not break off correspondence with the woman who is clever, modest, patient, able to express her thoughts logically, a woman who has fascinated you and indicates an interest in you in return.

What a Photo Can Say to You

You should know from the very beginning that photos may be deceiving. Some people look stunning beauties on photos while in real life they would attract nobody's eyes. Others are not so photogenic, however one would find them quite pretty on close acquaintance. Still it is practically impossible to make the final choice without a photo. To avoid disappointment send and ask for many photos. Perhaps it is not worth scrutinizing every separate feature in case you don't place exacting demands upon her, for example, blue eyes and long fair hair. You'd better stick to a general impression of a woman's face. Listen attentively to your heart. I'm sure it will help you make the right choice. Study not only the photo but also the description given by the woman herself. Does it correspond to the photo? A beautiful and rather confident in herself woman may send a rather bold photo. What should be your attitude towards this? If she looks sex-appealing it doesn't reveal her character. She may have felt your desire and responded in such way. A photo is the first timid step towards getting really acquainted and choosing a life partner. If there arise any questions while analyzing the photo you may ask them the woman tactfully and cautiously.

In What Cases the Correspondence Should Be Discontinued

It depends on your intentions a great deal whether to stop the correspondence or to go on with it. One often has a feeling that a company of a certain person has become a nuisance. Why has it happened? It almost impossible to give a definite answer. Most likely the rupture of relations and consequently the correspondence has resulted from a number of reasons. My opinion may be considered subjective , but still I do advise to discontinue the correspondence if:

- you cannot make a compromise over your plans for the future;

- her set of values is not acceptable to you;

- you have felt that her stimulus behind her letters is mercenary spirit or a desire to leave Russia by any means and not her fancy for you;

- you repeatedly catch her in a lie;

- all topics have been exhausted and you continue to write letters just for the sake of writing letters.

You should encourage the correspondence with the woman whom you've got interested in, even if you discover deep dissention on some questions between you. In future you will be able to overcome it. It is also worth going on:

- if you feel her interest towards yourself and your life isn't artificial;

- if you feel like sharing your fondest dreams and wishes with her;

- if she is not only an interesting person to talk to but also a sympathetic responsive friend;

- if you are eager to meet her;

- if you feel like proposing her.

Meeting a russian woman

A face-to-face date is logically emerging from your correspondence, and that means your are not complete strangers to each other. Therefore your major task at this stage of your relations will be to overcome:

- natural restraint;

- fear to be disappointed;

- fear to meet disappointment.

Be your own self, behave as you would have behaved in other similar situations. Do not put on airs. It is better to laugh together at your shyness and perplexity than to pretend being at ease.

You should get ready as carefully as possible for the first date. Think over everything up to details: your first phrase, intonation, topics to talk of to avoid confusing silence. There are several points for you to bear in mind.

Your appearance and clothes. Russians have a proverb, according to which 'You are met by your clothes and seen off by your mind'. Much depends on the impression you make in the very first minute of your date. A russian woman usually pays her attention to whether a man's shoes are polished bright. I don't need to remind that she will take your dirty shirt and crumpled trousers as a sign of disrespect. You should be dressed neatly and stylishly but not motley colored. Shorts, perhaps, are very comfortable to wear on a hot summer day but they would hardly suit such an occasion as the first date. There are no rigid rules on what to wear. So your clothes should suit your age and the setting of the date.

Presents. A russian woman will expect flowers from a man she is having a date with. Mind that Russians give only an odd number of flowers as a present, because an even number of flowers is used in burial ceremonies. The range of flowers that may be presented is variable. If you have already learnt what flowers your woman prefers, buy them. Choosing flowers may also provide you an opportunity to show your aesthetic instinct. The bouquet may be extravagant and not necessarily expensive. Remember that red roses symbolize love. Besides Russians usually do not present yellow flowers, as they are a symbol of separation.

A russian woman will be embarrassed to receive expensive presents. At the beginning of your acquaintance you may give her flowers, wine or champagne, chocolates, cakes, perfume (of a well-known trade mark) or books. You mustn't give the woman underwear or money as present.

Punctuality. russian women cannot forgive a man being late, though a woman can afford to be several minutes late. Do not be annoyed by that and show your patience. Punctuality has never been an integral per of the Russian character, especially that of russian women.

Manners. It would be fine if you studied the behavior manners adopted by Russians. That would guarantee you favor and gratitude of any russian woman. First of all I mean chivalrous actions showing respect for a woman:

- russian women are not accustomed to pay their share at a cafe, bar, restaurant, public transport or taxi. The spending has been traditionally born by men;

- When you enter or go out of some building you should open the door for the woman and let her go first;

- You should be the first to get off the bus, trolley-bus, etc., and offer a woman your hand to help her out;

- If you are going by car, first let the woman in and only then take your seat;

- When you accompany the woman to the theatre or a museum, when you are walking along the street you should walk on her left holding her arm slightly;

- After the date you should see her to her home or the hotel she has put up at;

- If you have been invited to see the woman's parents you should bear in mind that russian women attach great importance to having a man acquainted with her parents. If she does introduce you to them it means she looks upon you as being her perspective husband or at least consider the relations between you serious and worth-while. If you are not so sure about your feelings towards this woman or do not think your relations would last, you'd better find an excise and postpone the visit to her parents. But if you agree, take care of choosing a proper present. You may follow the advice given for choosing a present for your first date with the woman. If you can speak Russian, even a little bit, do not get confused of your bad pronunciation. Even if you know just a few phrases, for example, 'Zdravstvuite' ('How do you do') and 'Kak dela' ('How are things with you'), use them and it will please your woman. Try to feel at ease, but mind the Russian manners. If you need to visit the bathroom or the toilet, ask the hostess where it is instead of looking for it yourself. Do not drink too much alcohol: though Russians have traditionally been considered a nation that loves alcohol, they wouldn't like the prospective husband of their daughter to be so ill-bred as to get drunk at his first visit to her parents. Russians like to eat abundant and nutritious food but remember that the food is, as a rule, rich and high-calorie, therefore do not overrate your strength at dinner in order to have the evening spoilt by the stomach-ache.

- And at last, do not go to see a russian woman without an invitation, especially at early stages of your acquaintance. Russians are very hospitable and try to receive guests properly, but if you haven't been invited you may take them unawares. This will create an embarrassing situation for the woman and would hardly be a pleasant surprise.

It would be only logical here whether you have to go to Russia at all. Won't it be easier for your woman to come to your country?

Perhaps it is not too important where your first date will take place - in her country, in your country or in any other country. And still we shall examine all the three options:

1. You have insisted on that the first meeting should be held in your country.

For: You are the master of the situation since you are at home.

Against: it is unlikely that you will get to know the woman well. In an unfamiliar country speaking an unfamiliar language she will feel tense with the constant fear to do something wrong. In other words, being a guest she will feel compelled to comply with the countries traditions.

2. The date is held in a neutral country. It seems to be an ideal variant for the first meeting. You are both in equal positions and you are not obliged to each other. The sense of being in equal position will allow the woman to be her own self, thus you'll get a possibility to know her better. Besides, if in the long run you will get married and your fist date will not turn to be the last one, then the impression from this trip, your conversations and walks around the town will constitute the basis for your shared dear remembrances.

3. The date is held in Russia.

For: You will be able to see the woman in her customary setting, how she gets on with the members of her family and what her circle of acquaintances is, what her life is composed of and how she deals with different matters, especially with running the house. Of course, the few days of your first meeting will hardly expose to you all the habits and ways of the woman, but still you will manage to correlate the image you have got from the letters with the real one. Russians have a reason for saying: "It is better to see once than to hear a thousand times."

Against: Now you are a guest and welcome to all the advantages of the position.

And still you should better make a journey to Russia. Let it be not the first but the second or the third meeting: you have to see the country the woman you have chosen lives in. And you'd better do it before you decide to register the marriage.

When and how you should say 'no' to a Russian woman

Most likely not one specific reason, but a whole pack of them will force you to say 'no' to her. Here belong the peculiarities of her character, the set of life values and principles of behavior which you failed to understand and accept and are quite sure you will never be able to.

Here are several typical situations when, in my opinion, it worth breaking off the relationship:

- You relations are strained and troubled (she is constantly staging rows with you at the slightest pretext);

- She is inordinately jealous;

- She tries to suppress your will;

- She can't bear your habits and she doesn't think twice on criticizing them, picking on every trifle;

- She ignores your opinion and shows disrespect towards you relatives;

- She is driven exclusively be the desire to improve her financial situation;

- She clearly belongs to one of the russian women types to beware of (see 'russian women to beware of')

If the relations with the woman have become a nuisance, you ought to inform her as soon as possible giving your reasons. Do not start fretting and stick to your decision if you are sure it is sound. You are a polite and civilized person, so don't start insulting and accusing her. Say you are sorry and grateful to her for the attention she has paid to you.

When a russian woman Can Say 'No' to You

A typical reason for the breach of relations is formally defined as 'incompatible characters'. This is what may be used to cover:

- The woman feels you try to manipulate her:

- She considers you a miser or, instead, a spendthrift;

- You do not suit her as a sexual partner;

- You are too jealous;

- You subject the woman, her parents and friends to unsparing and petty criticism;

- You are indifferent or hostile to her child (if she has one);

- The dissension between your life principles is very deep;

She is not sure that you are that only fairytale prince whom she has waited for all her life.

The list could be extended. As a matter of fact very often the reasons have nothing to do with you. Perhaps the woman has not been able to understand her feelings towards you; perhaps she has changed her plans for the future, fell in love with another man, for instance; or she doesn't want to give up her successful career, or doesn't want to leave the country because of her parents, or unexpected illness, etc.

It would be better for both of you if she makes up her mind before you get married.

When You Can Say 'Yes' to Each Other

You can say 'yes' to each other when you have got to know each other quite well and have realized you are ready to:

- meet your partner's wishes and interests halfway and, still, be able not to lose your identity;

- make concessions and at the same time teach your partner to take into account your authority as well;

- see common outlooks and allow for the difference in your plans and opinions;

- live together and not give up your independence;

- strive for unity and not be afraid of being alone;

- help and be ready to accept help in return;

- listen and expect to be listened.

In such atmosphere of equality and mutual understanding both a man and a woman will be able to develop into harmonious individuals and to enjoy each other. Specialists point out that in such atmosphere the woman will always attract the man's interest and the latter won't be a 'loving tyrant' to her. A good example of such relations is provided, in my opinion, by the family of the USSR ex-president Michael Gorbachov. In an interview after his wife's death answering 'when were your feelings especially strong, at the beginning of your relations or at the later stages' the ex-president said: "At all stages. At the beginning there was the passion of the young and later it was accompanied by friendship and cooperation when we could share everything with each other. We turned to have similar world outlooks."

You may say 'yes' when you trust each other (trust is a characteristic feature of the true friendship), when you believe that your frankness won't be used to hurt you, even in case of a quarrel, and when you have common outlooks on life, its development and its events and their meaning. And when, which is most important, you feel that this very person is dear to you, that she changed your life and you want to have her by your side not for a couple of days but for the whole life.

Index: Chapter 1: Russian women types Chapter 2: Russian women and the social structure of Russia Chapter 3: Russian women and religion Chapter 4: Russian women and culture Chapter 5: Russian women and education, profession Chapter 6: Russian women and standard of living Chapter 7: Russian women and make up, clothes Chapter 8: Russian women and health Chapter 9: Russian women and nutrition Chapter 10: Russian women and house, housekeeping duties Chapter 11: Russian women and money Chapter 12: Russian women and leisure, hobby Chapter 13: Russian women and nature Chapter 14: Russian women and achievements of technology Chapter 15: Russian women and harmful habits Chapter 16: Russian women and getting acquainted, courting Chapter 17: Russian women and love for a man Chapter 18: Russian women and wedding Chapter 19: Russian women and sex Chapter 20: Russian women and her husband Chapter 21: Russian women and children Chapter 22: Russian woman and her relatives Chapter 23: Russian women and family problems Chapter 24: Russian women to beware of Enclosure: A List of Works by Russian Classics You May Want to Read to Understand the russian woman